Sunday, July 15, 2018 - A FAMILY IN PROCESS
July 15, 2018
Pastor Roger R. Marcos
What Can Parents Do?
We need to give our children proper spiritual values (faith, honesty, work, worship)
We need to prioritize what is most important (God, Bible, church services, )
We need to keep our children from evil influences (friends, technology)
We need to get our children to be their own followers of Christ (active, faithful Christian)
There are many confusing voices today offering many different opinions about how to be a good parent.
Where do you go for help? Who do you look to when you need help and advise on parenting? Who is our model?
There is only one who has ever been perfect in history - That's our Heavenly Father - “You are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
Today I want us to look at what God is like and what He's about and then draw from that some applications for the parenting task.
If I'm going to be like my Heavenly Father I must understand my children.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed. - Psalms 103:13-14 (NIV)
God knows what makes us tick; He understands us.
If I'm going to be a good parent like God, I need to understand my kids.
YOUR KIDS NEED.
The number one complaint that kids have about their parents is "They don't understand me!" But my question DO YOU UNDERSTANDING THEM?
It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong. - Proverbs 24:3 (NCV)
Parents: you are enough as you are perfect in your imperfection.
- Communication and respect are the foundations for a lasting relationship.
- Set boundaries - work, family, and friendships.
God says that is the motivational bottom line, the foundation.
We need to study our kids - We need to know what makes them the way they are.
- Proverbs 22:6 is probably one of the most misquoted and misunderstood verses in the Bible.
- Most people misunderstand this verse and believe that God is promising that if you raise your child in church, no matter how far they might stray from their faith as they get older, eventually they will come back to Him.
But you know what? I know lots of people whose kids grew up in Christian homes and are nowhere near the Lord today and die without coming back to the Lord.
We need to understand that this is not a promise, it's a proverb.
The key to understanding is found in the key word "way."
The word "way" means style, temperament, personality.
Each child is naturally fitted to go a certain direction.
I must recognize the potential in my kids, the ability that they have and encourage them in the direction that they are naturally inclined to go with their talents and abilities.
God accepts you just the way you are - That's grace.
And God wants us to accept our children just the way they are - That's grace too. We have a tendency to reject our kids when they mess up, when they don't look the way we want them to look, and when they don't meet our standards.
So accept each other just as Christ has accepted you... - Romans 15:7
How has Christ accepted me? Just the way that I am.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves. -Hebrews 12:6
It is a sign of God's love when you're disciplined.
The Bible says that if you say you are a Christian and sinning and you're not disciplined you're not really a Christian.
When I discipline my kids, I am showing them that I love them.
If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them. - Proverbs 13:24
Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives. Proverbs 19:18
It's important for us to understand the difference between discipline and punishment.
The purpose of punishment is to inflict penalty, but the purpose of Discipline is to promote growth.
The focus of Punishment is on the past, but the focus of Discipline is on the future
The attitude of the parent in punishment is anger, but the motivation behind discipline is love.
The Bible says that God punishes the wicked that reject Him but He disciplines His own children.
I don't spank the neighbor's kids! And God doesn't mess with the devil's kids, but He does discipline His own children.
But you don't discipline in anger; you discipline in love.
What's the result? The result of punishment is always fear, guilt and more anger.
The result of discipline is security - I feel security because I know there are parameters and boundaries in my life.
> Do it Calmly
How many times have we spanked our kids, not because they were being disciplined but to relieve frustration?
God says, Don't do that! Don't discipline in anger.
A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. - Proverbs 29:11
> Do it Quickly
- Don't delay it - Don't use, "Wait until your father gets home!" You do it quickly.
> Do it Sparingly
You get more effect if you don't do it all the time.
Fathers, don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying. - Colossians 3:21
The Bible is full of examples of God's love for His children. There are 3 specific ways we need to express love that your kids will understand.
Physical contact, hugs, kisses, pats on the back.
There is an age where this becomes embarrassing, but when they are little, it is easy to show affection in this way.
- The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. - Psalms 145:9 (NIV)
- God is very affectionate with us.
Studies have shown that fathers are one-sixth as physically affectionate toward their kids as mothers are.
Love your kids - Show affection for them - Show them you care.
> Affirmation The LORD helps the fallen and lifts up those bent beneath their loads. - Psalms 145:14
We shape our kids by the way we talk to them all the time.
The way we talk, affirm, build up instead of tear down is vitally important. Encourage them.
I want them to be people of faith as they grow up.
In order to teach people to be that way you have to teach them not to fear failure; that it is OK to fail as long as you try.
I want our family to be a place where the kids can come home and say, "I tried today but I blew it at school!" and they are affirmed not put down.
They’re loved and built up again - And their empty tank of self esteem is refilled.
I want to create an environment where it's OK to fail and still get affirmed. Everybody affirms when you get straight A's, when you hit the home run, when you win the contest.
What about the time when they lose and they don't meet up to your standards or expectations? That's when they need to be affirmed.
This is probably the number one way kids sense that they are loved.
The LORD is close to all who call on him. - Psalms 145:18
Closeness implies attention -
- They found that in America the average father spends on a per day basis 37.7 seconds talking to his children.
- Compare that to the fact that they're probably watching 2-4 hours a day of TV.
- Where are they getting their values? Where are your kids learning about God?
- The missing link in what's happening in so many families today is time together.
- We are living separate lives, going a million different directions.
- And we are so preoccupied with money, buying, and pleasure that we are letting our kids raise themselves - we’ve got to spend time with them.
- If I'm going to be like my Heavenly Father I will give attention and affection and affirmation and express it in ways that my child understands.
- They're watching you and watching what you say on the phone and how you read the paper and how you respond to your husband/wife.
- You are teaching constantly by your example and you need to be consistent and not hypocritical.
- You don't come to church on Sunday and sing "Onward Christian Soldiers" and then go AWOL on Monday - Live a consistent life before your children, and you’ll be well on your way in this process of life.